I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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