But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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