Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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