I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
