you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I will die if light touches me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
