This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
