We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
