so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
