the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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