Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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