And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
