Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I need a hoe opinion
go on
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
