I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
