You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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