y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Please, let me fuck your mom
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
