No stitches, just platelets and will power
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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