after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
