i just had sex bonerless
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
