i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
