Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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