I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
