i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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