A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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