it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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