I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
