If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
