come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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