so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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