she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You ruined the universe
Randomize
