The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
