I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
