I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
