Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
