Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
