if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
