My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
