dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
