How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
