Can i not drive my cunt home
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
