I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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