so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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