It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
