you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
