stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
