Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
