So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize