I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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