The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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