In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
