I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
