we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
