You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
