Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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