Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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