from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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