i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
