shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
