weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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