it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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