Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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