dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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