I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
look no pants
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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