You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
