yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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