did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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