Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
