I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
