I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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