You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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