that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize