i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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