The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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