I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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