Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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