i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
